


My Best Bucky

by sebastian2017



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Coming Out, M/M, Non Binary Bucky Barnes, Self-Discovery, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22772269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sebastian2017/pseuds/sebastian2017
Summary: Bucky's not really sure about a lot of things, but the one thing he's never doubted is that Steve's just about the best guy someone could have.Or, the one where Bucky comes out to Steve and it all goes much better than expected.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 4
Kudos: 104
Collections: Stucky Bingo 2019





	My Best Bucky

**Author's Note:**

> A fill for the square Non-Binary Character in the Stucky bingo. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The 21st century is a wonder. Bucky has thought that since the moment he was in control of himself again and every once in a while, he'll rediscover something which makes him think it all over again. It happened when he'd discovered online streaming, when he'd tried microwave popcorn for the first time, when he discovered the rejuvenating properties of a lazy day spent watching reality TV and eating junk food. He misses home sometimes, and he knows Steve misses it with some regularity, but Bucky really does like living here in this time period. 

Lately, Bucky's been feeling more and more at home in this century. Especially as he dives deeper into it, learning all the new concepts and words that had come out in the last few decades. Not really new, but putting words to things that had only existed in the shadows in the time that Bucky had grown. Bucky still remembers being a teenager and finding the language for men like himself, men who craved the affection of other men instead of women. He'd thought at the time that was that, a case closed and the chance to live his life fully, but his last few weeks, Bucky's been reliving that feeling, more intensely than the first time. 

That young, he hadn't gone looking for any of the language he's been diving so deeply into recently. He'd never even given any of it much thought, simply thinking it was a few crossed wires in himself, or the end result of his sexuality. But in one of his deep dives across the Internet, he'd come across a far more complicated understanding of gender than anything Bucky had grown up with. The world wasn't black or white anymore. 

There were all sorts of different words and a seemingly endless list of possibilities. The easiest term to understand he's come across is non-binary. It's relatively self explanatory, something Bucky appreciates. Even if the things he feels confuse him, at least the word does not. And everything about himself? It has him caught up in almost more confusion than when he'd been recovering from his brainwashing. 

Bucky had never quite felt like other fellas. He'd put on a good show, sure, chasing after girls and being the perfect gentleman any woman would want as a son. But inside, it had always felt wrong. The handsome, man's man he'd been in the 40s wasn't always what he wanted to be. He remembers being young, not even a teenager, and already staring wistfully after his mother's clothing and make ups. And even then, he'd known to hide it away. 

He'd always just assumed it was one of the ways his attraction to men showed itself. He and Steve had met plenty of effeminate men when they'd hung around in the homosexual scene as young men. And neither of them had ever had a problem with it, not even with the flamboyant crossdressers who put on shows and made everyone laugh while dressed up as women. But Bucky had never been like that. Even having no problem with it, Bucky had never wanted to let himself be that sort of man. He'd always justified it to himself saying he didn't want to make things more difficult for himself and Steve. 

Now, he thinks he might have just been frightened of what it would have meant to let himself feel such things. Because now that he's read about non-binary individuals and seen their own words of what that identity means to them and how they'd come to it... well, Bucky feels a certain sense of familiarity in it, passing thoughts and feelings he has every once in a while. 

Because even as a boy, sneaking glances at his mother and sisters, he'd never felt any desire to be a woman. He'd just wanted different things than what the world seemed to want from him. To be a little softer around the edges, to be seen as delicate and pretty by the world every once in a while, to doll himself up like the girls he used to take out on dates. It had all been things he'd pushed away before, unsure of how to reconcile those feelings with being a man. Now he thinks the big problem might have been that he'd never been a man at all. 

On one hand, it's endlessly rewarding to have a word for it all, something he can point to and feel he's not going crazy and that he's not completely alone in the world. On the other, thinking about it too much makes Bucky's stomach feel heavy. He has to tell Steve. Even if he could go the rest of his life without ever acting any differently, he would feel terrible keeping a secret of this sort from Steve. When he'd first figured out his sexuality, he'd barely gone a few days before blabbing it all to Steve. He can't help it. He and Steve had always known everything about each other. It just feels wrong for this to be any different. He's not even totally sure what words to use or what he might really consider himself, but if there's anyone he'd like to be with while trying to figure it all out, it's Steve. Steve's always had the uncanny ability to make him feel better about anything and everything. 

Bucky plans on at least getting what he'll say together in his head and bringing it up someday over dinner, when neither of them is busy with work things, but it seems all the thinking has been visible on his face, because Steve frets and fusses over him one night while they're getting for bed. Just as he's getting to bed and about to turn off the light, Steve turns to face him and leans down to kiss his forehead and pull him a little closer into a tight hug. 

"Everything all right, Buck? You've got all those lines on your forehead from when you've been thinking too hard about something," Steve notes. 

"I'm fine. Just... Been thinking, like you said," Bucky agrees, nodding. "Nothing bad, though. At least. I don't think it's anything bad." 

"You don't think?" Steve repeats, looking at him. He's worried, Bucky can always tell, and he always feels bad for worrying him, but if he told Steve every passing worry he ever has, Steve would probably never sleep. 

"It's not," he says, more confidently this time. "It's just... You've been outta the ice and functioning longer than I have. You ever met someone who wasn't a lady or a fella? Who was... y'know. Non binary or something like that?" 

Steve frowns a little as he leans up against his elbow while he answers. "A couple times that I know of. Probably lots more than that. I'm sure we met some back in the day too and didn't know it. Why?" 

"Cause..." Bucky sighs. Steve can probably guess where this conversation will go, since Bucky starts nearly every announcement of something in a similar way. But Steve's always been stubborn about not putting words in Bucky's mouth, no matter how confident he might be about what he's going to say. It's just not Steve's style. He'd rather wait an eternity and hear it straight from Bucky. "I think maybe I'm something like that too. Not a guy and definitely not a woman either." 

"Okay. Thanks for telling me, Buck," Steve says, pulling Bucky into another hug and staying there, laying together. That's about up to par with how Steve's always reacted to news like this. Always very matter of fact, like Bucky's just telling him the weather, but always sure to come off as grateful for being involved. 

"Course. You're Stevie. I tell you everything," he agrees, because it's a lot less embarrassing than blubbering about how lucky he is to have someone who takes it in stride like this. 

Steve shrugs. "That don't mean I appreciate it any less. You're important to me. I'm never gonna give you any reason to doubt that. If you don't want to talk about it right away, I understand, but you'll let me know if there's anything I should do different, right? Like call you something else or use different pronouns or whatever?" 

"You really are the perfect fella, ain't ya, Steve?" Bucky sighs, kissing his cheek fondly. Steve's quicker on the draw about all this than Bucky had even been, though that's not particularly surprising. After a few years working with the Avengers and SHIELD, it seems nothing can really catch Steve off guard anymore. "Bucky's fine. More than fine. I've always hated being James, you know that, though I guess maybe now I gotta wonder if there was more reason than I thought. But Bucky's perfect. And pronouns... I dunno. I guess I haven't given that as much thought. I know some people use they/them and stuff like that, and I don't think I mind that, but I don't mind he, either. Is that allowed? To just not really care?" 

"Of course it's allowed, Buck. There aren't any rules to these type of things," Steve reminds him. It's something Bucky has to be reminded of often, being as obsessed with getting things 'right' as he is after his time at Hydra. 

Bucky nods. "But we'll figure it out together?" 

"Of course. You're my best fella. Or hmm..." Steve frowns. "That needs an update. Sorry, darling. You're my best Bucky, how about that?" 

"As long as I'm yours, it all sounds perfect." 

And Bucky leans up to kiss him and pull him a little closer and maybe put off sleeping for a few hours longer, but who can blame him? Steve's perfect and as unsure as he is about all of this right now, he has Steve through it, and nothing in the world could make him feel safer. 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Twitter (sebbypn) or Tumblr (sebbym17) for more shenanigans 
> 
> Comments are always greatly appreciated <3


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